If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
