kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
