I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my being single is dangerous.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
