What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
