I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
