There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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