I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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