I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
