He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
