I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
