Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
