Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
