um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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