The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
