there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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