She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
