I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
