I faked an abortion last night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
