if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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