Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
how do flat chested girls get laid?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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