3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
