So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
