i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
