in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
