break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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