Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
