are you still at the devil's house?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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