We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
