how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
