I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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