dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
