Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
