When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
