My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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