Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
