11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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