My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
