Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
