After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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