I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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