i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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