Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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