I wish I could punch you in the face.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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