Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
