Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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