you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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