My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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