Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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