Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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