I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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