Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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