I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
