I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
