Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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