so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
