I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
