just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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