Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize