Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
