I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
