I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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