Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
