sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
