i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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