I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
