So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
