she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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