Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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