I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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