just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
