One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
